Day 8 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

“But where does that leave you Santa?” I asked. The tears gone now from his eyes, a smile broke over Santa’s face. “Why, bless you, my dear,” he laughed. “ I, too am only a symbol. I represent the spirit of family fun and the joy of giving and receiving. If the children are taught these other things, there is no danger that I’ll ever be forgotten.”

“I think I’m beginning to understand at last, “ I replied.

“That’s why I came” said Santa, “You’re an adult. If you don’t teach the children these things, then who will?”

Day 7 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

Santa brought out a beautiful wreath made of fresh fragrant greenery and tied with a bright red bow. “The bow reminds us that the bond of perfection which is love. The wreath embodies all the good things about Christmas for those with eyes to see and hearts to understand. It contains the colors red and green and the heaven turned needles of the evergreen. The bow tells the story of good will towards all and its color reminds us of Christ’s sacrifice. Even the wreath’s very shape is symbolic, representing eternity and the eternal nature of Christ’s love. It is a circle without beginning and without end. These are the things you must teach the children.”

I love the idea that wreaths represent all the things we love united for eternity. It gives me the idea to make a photo wreath for next year, with pictures of my loved ones.

Day 6 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

Again, Santa reached into his bag and this time he brought forth a tiny red and white striped candy cane. As he hung it on the tree, He spoke softly, “The candy cane is a stick of hard red and white candy. White to symbolize the virgin birth and sinless nature of Jesus. The shape J to represent the precious name of Jesus who came to earth as our Savior. It also represents the crook of the Good Shepherd, which he uses to reach down into the ditches of the world to lift out the fallen lambs that, like sheep, have gone astray. The original candy cane had three small red stripes which are the stripes of the scourging Jesus received by which we are healed and a large red stripe that represents the shedding of blood of Jesus so that we can have eternal life. Teach these things to the children.”

A box of candy canes was next for us, which we quickly hid from Little Man. Thank goodness they are tough to open, or we would have had sticky candy everywhere! Better in small doses, right?

Day 5 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

Santa placed a candle on the mantle and lit it. The soft glow from its one tiny flame brightened the room. “The glow of the candle represents how man can show his thanks for the gift of God’s Son that Christmas Eve long ago. Teach the children to follow in Christ’s footsteps. . . to go about doing good. Teach them to let their lights shine before men that all may see it and glorify God. This is what is symbolized when the twinkling lights shine on the tree like hundreds of bright, shining candles, each of them representing one of God’s precious children, their light shining for all to see.

The gift, of course, was a candle. I love candles!

Day 4 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

Santa found a bell in his pack and placed it on the tree. “Just as lost sheep are guided to safety by the sound of the bell, it continues to ring today for all to be guided to the fold. Teach the children to follow the true Shepherd who gave his life for the sheep.”

Day 3 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a tiny Christmas tree and set it on the fireplace mantle. “Teach them about the Christmas tree. Green is the second color of Christmas. The stately evergreen with its unchanging color represents the hope of eternal life in Jesus. Its needles point heaven ward as a reminder that man’s thoughts should turn heaven ward as well.”

Grant then finally got to eat one of the green tree-shaped crispy treats. He also hung a felt tree ornament on the tree.

Day 2 of a Christ-Centered Christmas

“Red,” said Santa “is the first color of Christmas.” He pulled forth a red ornament for the tiny tree. “Red is deep, intense, vivid. It is the color of the life giving blood that flows through our veins. It is the symbol of God’s greatest gift. Teach the children that Christ gave His life and shed his blood for them that they might have eternal life. When they see the color red it should remind them of that most wonderful gift.”

The gift contained a red glass ornament with the nativity painted on it. Grant loved this, he loves ornaments!

Weird

I just saw my job posted on yjobs.byu.edu. That is such a strange feeling! 4 years ago I saw that same description and thought it was a perfect fit. Now someone else is going through the same experience and will begin the adventure I began then. So ethereal!

Christ-Centered Christmas

A secret Santa must have known that I wanted to make our Christmas more Christ-Centered, because a box of wrapped gifts appeared at our door this morning, each one with an envelope counting down to Christmas. The box said:

"Merry Christmas! I have left you with 8 gifts, one to be opened on everyday leading up to the day we celebrate the birth of our Savior. May we all remember the true meaning of Christmas this year and feel of the love of our Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ."

So, today Grant gleefully opened gift #1. The letter told this story:

"Late one Christmas Eve, I sank back, tired but content, into my easy chair. The kids were in bed, the gifts were wrapped, the milk and cookies waited by the fireplace for Santa. As I sat back admiring the tree with its decorations, I couldn't help feeling that something important was missing. It wasn't long before the tiny twinkling tree lights lulled me to sleep.

I don't know how long I slept, but all of a sudden I knew that I wasn't alone. I opened my eyes, and you can imagine my surprise when I saw Santa himself standing next to my tree. He was dressed all in fur from his head to his feet just as the poem described him, but he was not the "jolly old elf" of Christmas legend. The man who stood before me looked sad and disappointed, and there were tears in his eyes.

'Santa, what's wrong?' I asked. 'Why are you crying?'

'It's the children,' Santa replied.

'But Santa, the children love you,' I said.

'Oh, I know they love me, and they love the gifts I bring them. But the children of today seem to have somehow missed out on the true spirit of Christmas. It's not their fault. It's just that the adults, many of them not having been taught themselves, have forgotten to teach the children.'

'Teach them what?' I asked.

Santa's kind old face became soft, more gentle. His eyes began to shine with something more than tears. He spoke softly. 'Teach the children the true meaning of Christmas. Teach them that the part of Christmas we can see, hear, and touch is much more than meets the eye. Teach them the symbolism behind the customs and traditions of Christmas which we now observe. Teach them what it is they truly represent.'

Santa reached into his bag and pulled out a shiny star and placed it at the top of the small tree. 'The star was the heavenly sign of promise. God promised a Savior for the world and the star was the sign of the fulfillment of that promise on the night that Jesus Christ was born. Teach the children that God always keeps His promises, and that wise men still seek him.'"



Contained within the wrapping was a little golden star that Grant carefully placed on the tree. And so begins our countdown to Christmas. Thank you, secret Santa! I've been so ill today, I was very grateful that someone loves us enough to help us celebrate the spirit of Christ when I was too weary to do so myself. Heavenly Father really does keep his promises.

Changes: Past, Present, and Pending

“The key to change... is to let go of fear.”

“There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction”-Winston Churchill

“Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts.”-Arnold Bennett

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”


Yep, life happens. Just when you get comfortable, the gears turn a little differently and everything gets altered, but it all adds up to blessings in the end. Here's my 2010 equation:

Start with A happy life with Jonathan, Grant, Coco (the cat), and a great job doing Student Honor and Activities with BYUSA
+ "Integrity for Life: Developing Personal Character;" I was invited to teach this class last January, and it has been amazing!
+ chocolate lab, Hannah, joined us in February as Jonathan's Valentine's Day gift
+ trials overcome that strengthened us
+ Master's degree in June (Hallelujah! It only took 8 years!)
+ found out we're pregnant in July with Carson (He's not here yet, but the pregnancy itself has been daily change)
- Student Honor, as of November
+ New calling teaching Relief Society
- Campus Activities! Happening most likely in February, but the process for hiring my replacement begins now
+ "Student Leadership Seminar" which I'm taking over now for Winter Semester 2011
+ BYUSA Communications; Christy, the current coordinator, is leaving and I am replacing her
+ Campus Life Design; again, from Christy
- a little bit of sanity as I transition everything
= A happier life with a larger family (Jonathan, Grant, Carson, Coco, Hannah) and a great job doing Comms, Design, and teaching that will allow me to spend more time with that large family!

It is a lot to adjust to, all at once. I've been doing Activities for almost 4 years now, and I've loved it. I love the thrill and euphoria of seeing a successful event. I love the energy and passion students bring to the area. I love the creativity I've seen. But, it has been really hard, too. It is a physically demanding job, and with my fibromyalgia there were many many weekends that I'd be unable to walk after working an event. It is also demanding on my time, and almost every week my family sacrificed time with me and I with them. Still, I wouldn't trade this experience. I treasure it all, even what I've learned from dealing with SO MUCH RED TAPE and POLICIES. I am glad that piece will be diminished, now, too! I just don't want to tell my current students. I love them SO MUCH!!! Bekah, the VP, I've worked with for 3 years now and seen her grow so much. She is fabulous, and a good friend. I'm so sad I won't be her Coordinator through the end of her BYUSA time. My EDs are also great. This team has gelled so well together, and are so united, it is like being part of a super cool club! I've learned a lot from Jenny, about myself, because she reflects me in so many ways. Sam's constant smile and reliability. Nate's quirky style of everything and astute observations. Ryan's way of embracing everything and everyone, even criticism, with passion and gratitude. I'll also miss Justine, my Australian Assistant whose spunk and playfulness played off of Ryan's gregariousness have often resulted in bouts of laughter at area meetings. I love them so much, and it will be a sad transition, but one that I am very very grateful for.

And yet, while saying goodbye, I'll be getting to know 3 graphic designers, 3 teaching assistants, and a team of 5 students working in Comms. I look forward to serving them and I hope I can do so in a way that honors Christy's efforts and the great strides she has made with them during her time here. I will also miss her friendship, but am so pleased that she gets to be a stay-at-home mom. There is no greater reason I can think of to leave a work that one loves than to serve family. Good luck to her, and good luck to me as I move forward!

To change, I say, bring it on!

Being a Working Mom

A co-worker just announced this week that she'll be leaving to pursue mommy-hood more fully. It is bittersweet, because I've enjoyed working with her, but I am so thrilled that her family is in a place where she can do that. Slightly jealous, too!

In addition, I had a student come to me this week and ask to pick my brain. She is going to be the breadwinner for her new family for the foreseeable future, because she's graduating and her husband is just starting school. She wanted to know how to be a strong woman in all areas of her life, balancing work and family and still filling the roles of a woman. I was surprised that she asked me, because I feel like it is still something I am trying to figure out! I was grateful that she thought I was a good example of a strong woman.

Here's what I told her, though. I will always be the wife and mother, because those are my divine roles. No matter what our life circumstances require, no one can ever be those things in the way I can for my family. Mr. Mom is a foul term in my mind, because Jonathan is all daddy. I am grateful that even though I work, I am still the one Grant wants to comfort him when he's not well, and I am still the one divinely inspired as nurturer. Having a job doesn't change that opportunity, or that responsibility.

Second, I won't ever work somewhere that doesn't support me putting family first. If family isn't a part of the culture, no amount of money is worth it. I've had job offers where I could make much more, but that would require even more sacrifices of family time. There are far greater rewards than money, and being a working mom requires constantly keeping that focus in my heart and mind. Everything I do, even at work, is done for my family. I serve well so that I may teach my sons how to serve well. I honor my commitments at work so they may see my integrity in action. I try to assume that every choice I make at work is being seen by them, and is being done for them. I "bring home the bacon" to provide necessities, and support Jonathan in his efforts, too.

In addition, I've been learning to let some things go. I wish I had the energy and time to have friends, a clean house, hobbies, etc. I just don't. My house is usually much messier than I want it, and I often choose not to participate in social gatherings because it is time that could be spent with family. I am grateful for so much friendship from co-workers and students, because I don't feel as keen an absence from lack of girl time. It is hard, too, because even though there are a lot of women I really admire and would cherish more time with, they don't understand or relate to what it is like for me. My ward is amazing, but most of the Relief Society activities are during the day, or on evenings when I have to work. I don't get to enjoy the playgroups, toddler music time, neighborhood strolls, etc. that I so often see the others doing. So, I just try to do what I can to know them (thanks, facebook!) and find other ways to give Grant opportunities to interact.

Thing is, it is just as hard on Jonathan. He, too, lacks those social opportunities, which is why I am so willing to let him play sports. He, too, doesn't have men that I understand our situation. I've learned to be extra grateful for his many contributions, and for how equally we've been able to share the burdens of home and providing. I haven't been grocery shopping in almost a year, because he does it. We've relied very heavily on communication and patience with one another, because we're all we've got. There isn't a social circle for us, so if we don't understand each other, no one else will. It is humbling, and something that has made us stronger together. He is my superhero in so many ways.

Overall, I am grateful for experiences that have prepared me for this. In college, I was actually very career-minded. Then I attended the session at the Conference Center when we first heard the Proclamation. I believed it to be divine, but it was hard for me to hear. I prayed a long time about it, and through that experience came to such an incredible understanding about the role of women and the respect the Lord has for women. I even ended up changing my major as a result. I think Heavenly Father knew what was coming, and that I needed to have that testimony of women before getting into a career. It is SO EASY in the world of work to do your best, because you can be recognized for your hard work. Achievement is rewarded. At home, no one cheered when I changed the diaper that made me throw up thrice during my first trimester of pregnancy. No one promotes me for being consistent with prayers for Grant each evening. So, I needed to know the value of those things for myself.

In addition, my patriarchal blessing told me that I would have many opportunities in the world of work, and that I would be a leader and teacher. Again, I trust in the Lord, and I know that although this path is not the one I would have chosen, it is the one He knew would be right for our family. In that faith, I press onward. Somehow, I'll be the best Mom for Grant and Carson. Somehow, I'll be successful at work. Somehow, I'll have the friendships I need.

That's how I feel about being a working mom.

It's A Boy!

Carson Bennett Gray is on his way!

Tuesday night I kept having a dream over and over again about Grant and a little boy playing superheroes, dressed in capes and diapers. Finally, I woke up enough to consider why I was having this dream. I felt very strongly that Heavenly Father, knowing how much I wanted a girl, was telling me that he was sending a son and helping me to feel excited for him! So, when the ultrasound confirmed that a son was coming, I wasn't surprised. Still a bit disappointed, I admit, but now that we have a name chosen and I've started thinking about all the joy Grant will have with a brother, that disappointment is gone! It just means we'll have at least 3 kids!

So, here comes Carson! He's doing great. Everything looks perfect, he's strong and active. The technician was surprised at how much muscle mass he could see already developing; he kept saying that the baby was really working out in there. He is! I can feel him flipping around a ton already. The whole hour I was there, Carson kept showing off his biceps. Seriously! We got tons of chances to look at his arm! I am so excited for another boy. I can still call home and ask, "How are my boys?" Plus, I think of the fun my brothers had with each other, and I am thrilled for Grant to have a best friend.

Here's some photos:

This is a side shot. You can see his head, arm, and crossed legs.

His whole body!

"Look, Mom, see my guns?"

Here he is sucking his thumb. The mass on the bottom left is the placenta.

This is his right foot pushing against me, and his leg.

2. What's in a name?

So today's "assignment" is to explain my blog name, but there's really not much to it. It used to be Team Gray's website, but since I was the only one writing anything and it was all from my perspective, I didn't think that was a very accurate reflection of content. So, it became "It's a Tamara Thing." Pretty simple!

1. A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself

Well, it's not the best picture in the world of me, but it is the most recent! And we're very happy. Grant was having so much fun with his pinata!

So here are 15 interesting facts about me:

1) Spiders chase me. Seriously. I was chased up a mountain by a tarantula.
2) Weirdest thing I've ever eaten is 1000 year eggs-- eggs boiled in horse urine and then buried under ground until they turn blue.
3) I've slept one plank above mating pigs. Or tried to sleep.
4) I have flown an airplane; it was a small Cessna.
5) My secret dream is to become a rock star. NOT!!! Seriously, it is just to be rich but not famous.
6) I've invented a way to swim without moving forwards or backwards, up or down. (And no, it isn't by floating!)
7) I have a dog, but I don't like dogs.
8) I have a cat. I really like cats.
9) I get super nervous every time I teach, which is OFTEN, until the very moment I stand up. Then it is all gone.
10) I sing Christmas songs all year long to Grant as lullabies.
11) My greatest fear in life was that I wouldn't be able to have my own kids. Now, I guess I have nothing to fear.
12) If I had time to develop a hobby, it would be photography. And then jewelry-making.
13) I love taking baths, but hardly ever do so because our tub is too short.
14) My husband calls me Sugar Bottom, Sweet Potato, and Sweet Cheeks. I guess he either has a sweet tooth or I have a sugary personality.
15) I cry. Almost every day when I am pregnant. I cry in any setting for any reason, I just can't seem to stop it, ever!

A Blogging Plan

I saw this on another blog and thought it would be fun to do so here starts the next 30 days:

1. A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
2. The meaning behind your blog name
3. A picture of you and your friends
4. A habit you wish you didn't have
5. A pic of somewhere you have been
6. Favorite super hero and why
7. A picture of something/someone who has the biggest impact on you
8. Short term goals for this month and why
9. Something you are proud of in the last few days
10. Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad
11. Another pic of you and your friends
12. How you found out about blogs and why you made one
13. A letter to someone who hurt you recently
14. A pic of you and your family
15. Put your ipod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play
16. Another pic of yourself
17. Someone you would want to switch lives with for 1 day and why
18. Plans/dreams/goals you have
19. Nicknames you have, why
20. Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future
21. A pic of something that makes you happy
22. What makes you different from everyone else
23. Something you crave
24. A letter to your parents
25. What I would find in your blog
26. What you think about your friends
27. Why are you doing this 30-day challenge
28. A pic of you last year and now, how have you changed
29. In the past month what have you learned
30. Who are you?

Party Planning

I've decided that planning a party for 2,000 students is easier than planning for 15 people ages 1 to way over 1. Still, Thomas the Train is coming to town tomorrow! I've got the Stake Center reserved, the cake is ordered (I was going to try to make it, but with an event tonight I just won't have time), all the decor is purchased, and I'm putting the finishing touches on the games and activities. I am so excited to have good friends coming to celebrate Grant with us! What matters most though, is that Grant has a good time. I hope it makes him feel special and happy.

P.S. If you haven't yet RSVP'd, I would love to know if we'll have the pleasure of your company!

Baby Gray at 16 weeks

I just had my 16 week check up and everything is going great! All my tests came back totally normally, which is SO ENCOURAGING!!!!! I've scheduled my ultrasound for November 19th, so that's when we should hopefully find out if it is a boy or girl.

Here's what's happening right now for my little one:
Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, my baby will double her weight and add inches to her length. Right now, she's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. Her legs are much more developed, her head is more erect than it has been, and her eyes have moved closer to the front of her head. Her ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of her scalp has begun, though her locks aren't recognizable yet. She's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, her heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as my baby continues to develop.

Homecoming Highlights

Here's a great run down of my Homecoming week!!! My team did the BBQ, Mr. BYU, the Blue Pancake breakfast and True Blue Football which are featured here.

BYUtv - BYU Weekly: Week of 10/17/2010

Also check out http://www.heraldextra.com/ and search for "Foam Day"

The Dash Movie | The Dash Movie

The Dash Movie | The Dash Movie

Just Suck it Up and Move On

Those were words my wise husband spoke to me last week. Although they made me upset at the time, they were exactly what I needed to hear. My emotional roller coaster, which I like to blame on pregnancy hormones and lack of sleep, has been a long reactionary ride over the past month. I've been more feisty than normal, which my poor activities team has been witness to, but more importantly, I haven't been living my life happily. In fact, I was miserable.

Why? I am losing Student Honor, which is a program and purpose I am deeply passionate about and committed to. I love it. I love the impact the work can have on individual student lives. I love the principles of the program, and I love the opportunities for creativity and change that I have been able to experience through my work there. Most of all, I love my team. Each one of them has enriched my life and I've enjoyed getting to know them. However, I knew when I volunteered for the assignment that it was supposed to be temporary, and after 1.5 years this pregnancy was the catalyst for a needed change. Truth be told, two areas, particularly these two areas, has been a heavier burden than I've wanted to admit. The fact is that although I believe the Lord has helped me have the capacity to fulfill my roles over the past years, the time had come to simplify and be able to refocus on the coming child. I couldn't do that with both areas, and so Nate and Neal wisely made plans to relieve me. I was heart broken, and probably handled it poorly, even though I would have made the same decision in their shoes. But, at times like these sometimes what we know doesn't make as much noise as what we feel, and I was feeling so sad and dejected, and disappointed with the fact that I couldn't do it all. So after Nate told me the timeline had moved up and the change would happen even sooner than I expected, my teary sobs to Jonathan resulted in his statement: "Suck it up and move on."

The shock of his words when I expected validation stopped me in my tracks, and after recovering I realized the path I had been on. Rather than responding with cheer and acceptance and seeking the Lord's comfort, I was behaving childishly and throwing my own version of a temper tantrum. Everything changed for me then. I immediately prayed for forgiveness, and suddenly I was excited for the change. Although I am still sad to lose Student Honor, I am also very grateful that this program I love is going to have someone committed to it and nothing else, no other distractions. It, and my students, deserve that and I haven't been able to give it to them. I am excited for Val, who will be taking my place, because of the experience SHE is going to have and I pray she will be equally inspired by the opportunity as I have been. I am excited that my typical 60 hour work week will get back to a normal 40-50, so I can be with my family and focus on my roles as wife and mother. I am grateful for a boss who has patiently helped me through this inner conflict and made tough decisions knowing it would be hard for me but better in the long run. I am very grateful for my husband, who was there for me when I needed him to be in just the right way. I am excited for my Activities team, because I will have the time to serve them better. And I am grateful for moments like these that help us understand our Savior's love for us and patience with us.

So here I go. I am moving on!

On My Honor

I often think about the meaning and power of honor, because of the work I do and the classes I teach. So, you'd think I'd be perfectly honorable, but the more I learn the more I realize I need to be perfected. The hard part is not the desire to be honorable--I have that desire fully. I absolutely want people to believe that my word is absolute and that I never lie, and more importantly, I want their belief to be completely accurate. The hard part, for me, is remembering that which I have committed to do and be. Sterling May, in his talk, just mentioned that the signing of a temple recommend is a contract. Do I reflect often enough on what I've committed to with that signature? What about when I've committed to do two things that become in conflict, like following through on something I've told Jonathan I'll do and something I've committed to do for my students?

I am so grateful that I have the opportunity each day to continue to develop my own honor, and that "according to the desire of my heart" the Lord will help me to truly live "ON MY HONOR."

Baby Gray's Development

According to BabyCenter.com:

The most dramatic development this week: reflexes. BG's fingers will soon begin to open and close, her toes will curl, her eye muscles will clench, and her mouth will make sucking movements. In fact, if I were to prod my abdomen, BG will squirm in response, although I won't be able to feel it. Her intestines, which have grown so fast that they protrude into the umbilical cord, will start to move into her abdominal cavity about now, and her kidneys will begin excreting urine into her bladder.

Meanwhile, nerve cells are multiplying rapidly, and in Baby Gray's brain, synapses are forming furiously. Her face looks unquestionably human: Her eyes have moved from the sides to the front of her head, and her ears are right where they should be. From crown to rump, BG is just over 2 inches long (about the size of a lime) and weighs half an ounce.

Ultrasound #2

Well, we've gone in for our second ultrasound to make sure there is only one baby in there! (They suspect we had a twin, but the 2nd embryo wasn't viable). With that confirmed, we got to listen to the quick heartbeat and see our little one kicking and working those brand new muscles. She was all over the place! (No, I don't know the gender yet.) Everything is looking great, and all of the doctor's concerns were put to ease for the moment. Mom and baby are healthy and doing well.

This pregnancy is so different from the first. I am not stressed about it, except an occasional nightmare. I think it is a combination of knowledge from experience (I know what to expect and what is "normal"), and much more intense demands on my attention at work and home. I'm nonetheless secretly checking all 4 of my pregnancy apps on my phone every day to know what is happening for my little one's development, and I am counting down the moments (57 days) to know if it is a boy or a girl so I can really start planning for the baby's arrival. I'm clearing out the nursery for her, which is currently Grant's play room, and shopping around for double strollers. Otherwise, life is carrying on as normal so much that it is hard to believe such a major change to our lives is coming so soon (6 months!) I am grateful for another child coming to our home, and I can't wait for Grant to have the experience of being a big brother.

Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall

I've decided I love my mirror. In the bathroom downstairs, my mirror is always nice to me. It greets me with a warm metallic glow and tells me that all the other mirrors in the world just don't see me right. It makes my eyes look bright, my skin even-toned and rosy, my hair always looks good, and even without any make-up on I feel good about myself with that wonderful mirror. So, although it might seem crazy to everyone else, I always look in that mirror before I leave the house and try not to look at another mirror all day long because none of them are ever friendly. Thanks, mirror, for being a friend!

Heartbeat

Our ultrasound tech was a little too much like Artie from Warehouse 13--quick, mumbled, and not willing to wait for us to catch up with him. Nonetheless, we did get to hear our baby's heartbeat today! We saw her little heart pumping her first ounces of blood at 150 beats per minute, and we saw her kidney bean body nestled comfortably as she starts to grow. All is well, I know it is early for an ultrasound but I'm really high-risk so they wanted to check early. We have another one in 3 weeks, when the baby will be 11 weeks along. I'm so excited! I pray for a healthy pregnancy, with much less drama than last time, but even if a tough pregnancy is in my future I am grateful for the chance to participate in God's miracle of life. What a gift.

Sisters give siblings better mental health, study shows

Sisters give siblings better mental health, study shows

Here Comes Baby Gray the 2nd!

We found out today that our second child is on the way! YES!!!! I have been in major mommy mode, hoping and praying for a new little one to bless our lives. It just felt like time, so everything I did involved thinking about a baby. So last night, 3 days late, I just knew it was for real. I told Jonathan my suspicion, and he said, "Yeah, but you've thought that before. Why don't we wait until you get back from MN and then if you still haven't had it we'll buy some tests. They are just so expensive!" I thought, "Another 3 weeks?!?" So this morning, I decided I couldn't wait that long and I bought a test at the BYU Bookstore (yes, they sell them there!) So there I was, all by myself in the women's restroom at work, jumping (literally jumping up and down) for joy in the stall and trying not to be too exuberant in my excitement! I was giggly and glowing all morning, and I couldn't tell anyone! I wanted to surprise Jonathan with a special way of telling him, but each time I talked to him it got harder to keep the secret. Finally, I gave in and called. His reaction? "I thought you weren't going to buy a pregnancy test yet!!!!" Ha! All he could talk about at first was the fact that I had bought the test, and that they were sold at the bookstore. No excitement, anticipation, or anything! He didn't make a single comment about the ACTUAL pregnancy!! I finally asked if he at least wanted to know the due date, which is April 7th. I was so disappointed in his reaction, but later he apologized and said he was just shocked and thought he'd have another couple of weeks to prepare for the news. LOL! Anyway, we are both very excited now (he's finally gotten there) and we've taken two more tests just to make sure! I can't stop thinking about the pregnancy and child. I hope it is my little Emory, but if it is a boy again I am sure he'll be just as wonderful as my sweet Grant!

I'm excited for Grant to become a big brother. We had a little girl over at our house last night, his same age, and it was fun to watch him interact with her. He's going to love it, once he gets used to it! Now I'm determined to get him potty trained within the next 8 months!

We did call family, and the reactions were mixed. Everyone was happy, Christy and my Dad the most exuberantly, but there was a lot of concern for my health. Expected, of course, because of how difficult the last one was, but I don't want to dwell on it. I am hoping for the best and I'll let everyone else worry about it.

We are waiting to announce it to everyone until after the first trimester, if we can hold out that long! Jonathan kept dropping hints to people all night, so I doubt his ability to keep the secret. I'm concerned about work, because I know I can't continue doing both areas. It's too much stress, so something is going to have to give. Just not sure how that is going to work out.

Regardless, this is the best news I've had in a long time! Welcome to our life, BG2!

Ode to Ovaltine

Ovaltine, Ovaltine,
How do I love thee,
Your chocolate so creamy,
Your malt is so fine.

Ovaltine, Ovaltine,
My husband bought you for me,
His gift is oh so dreamy,
it makes me glad he's mine.

Ovaltine, Ovaltine,
I only wish you were free,
to always have you with me,
for every time I dine.

Ovaltine, Ovaltine,
How do I love thee,
Your chocolate is so creamy,
Your malt is so fine.

(Thanks, Jonathan, for being so thoughtful and buying me Ovaltine! You know I love it but I'm too cheap to buy it for myself!)

Thank you, My Sweet Husband

I've been thinking a lot about my husband, and how much I adore him. We just had our 4th anniversary this month. 4 years, that have both flown by and dragged on all at the same time! I think I learned more in the past 4 years than I did in all the years prior when it comes to understanding people and the Savior. Jonathan has taught me so much!

Just this Sunday, I sat next to him on the couch, holding his hand, as I listened to his wise explanations of the priesthood and the role of the priesthood holder in presiding over the home. We were visiting with my relief society president, and I admit that I was glowing inside both from the spirit touching my heart and from pleasure and admiration of my man. I remember how impressed I was with his wisdom while we dated, and I am so grateful for his knowledge of the scriptures and his perspective on the priesthood. Thank you, Jonathan, for being worthy to protect our home and invite the spirit into our temple with your words.

He has also been particularly loving, and expressing his love for me at random moments and in gentle ways. There is nothing so powerful as to hear him tell me of his adoration, respect, or affection totally unsolicited by me. Thank you, sweetheart, for the way you love me.

His efforts at home are also worthy of mention, as he has patiently let me "enforce" weekly planning sessions so we can be better organized, prepared, and purposeful as a family. His support means so much to me, because I have such great desires and hopes for our family and I can't get there without him. He has been so diligent in chores, caring for Grant, and doing little things to try to look out for us. Thank you, my husband.

Thank you, my best friend, lover, confidante, and eternal companion.

Mom, Can I Take the Car?

I knew it would happen someday, I just didn't expect Grant to ask to take the car when he was 1 1/2! This morning, he grabbed my keys, gave me a hug, said "Bye!" with gusto and walked with purpose to the door.

Mom, We're Going NOW

My son has climbed into his stroller, strapped himself in, and closed the tray. He is now looking at me expectantly. Isn't it amazing how well toddlers communicate without words?

Who's the Grown Up?

Sometimes I hate being the grown up. Grant and I were having so much fun playing, it made me so sad when he gathered his blankies and went to his room for our bedtime routine. I still wanted to play, but my little man was tired and wanted his song, prayers, and kisses so he could lay down. Sigh. (So cute!)

Today I Love...

Today I love that Jonathan held my hand as soon as he crawled into bed this morning. I love that Grant learned how to do a back flip off my lap (with me holding his shoulders). Even better, he decided on his own when it was time for bed, gathered his blankets, and pulled me into his room for our bedtime routine. I love that I got to sleep in this morning until 7am. I love that my day ended with my Activities team in my office, all of them, working hard together. I love that Heavenly Father reminded me of His love through the enthusiasm of my son's love for me. I love that my air conditioner is working!

Sweet Celebration

My sweet students surprised me with a decorated office to celebrate finishing my Master's program. My whole office was packed with people, but I couldn't get a camera until later when only my Activities team was there. Thanks you guys!

Get Your Toddler Talking: A Is for Articulation

Get Your Toddler Talking: A Is for Articulation

Father's Day Playlist

7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child: Give Real Responsibilities

7 Secrets to Raising a Happy Child: Give Real Responsibilities

100 Ways to Keep Little Kids Happy: Easy Art Project

100 Ways to Keep Little Kids Happy: Easy Art Project

How to Nurture Your Child's Imagination

How to Nurture Your Child's Imagination

Ways to Boost Your Child

Ways to Boost Your Child s IQ *(imagination quotient): Playtime Dos and Don'ts

Commit to Virtue 5k

Commit to Virtue Run from NJ Crofts on Vimeo.

Love One Another

My Leadership Development Plan

Each year we have our students design a plan for how they want to develop specific skills as a leader. They carefully craft their ideas and then we work on it together throughout Winter semester to make it happen.

So, I thought about my own leadership and what I'd really like to work on. We encourage our students to focus on what their strengths are, and make them exceptional skills. However, I feel like I have a fatal flaw in my life right now that could prevent me from being a successful leader. I have always worked hard to maintain a balance in my life; I purposely make sure that Jonathan and Grant know they are the most important people to me, that my students know that they are my priority when I am with them, and that I strive for excellence in all the opportunities I have to serve others.

I have realized lately, however, as more and more things pile on, that I am getting off balance. Although I feel like each part of my life is getting a fair portion of me, I am not taking to time to fill the bucket and make sure that I am ok. If I don't make time for peace, for strengthening myself, I will not be able to give my best to those I love. So, my goal is to simply take time for myself every day to rejuvenate. I want to have scripture time be more meaningful, I want to exercise more to feel better, and I want to turn everything off and listen to the quiet. I really hope that creating small moments for myself will help me to serve better, and wiser, so that my strong emotions will improve my efforts, not hinder them.

So, I need your help. Just ask me if I am doing it. Help me remember that this is my goal, so that I have accountability. I believe blogging/journaling might be a good way to achieve this, too, so hopefully you'll see more frequent posts!

Wish me luck!

Hipster

I'd love to say that this hip entry is about being cool, but it's actually about my hip! Believe it or not, I partially dislocated it by turning over in bed. Ouch! My physician said it is back in place now, but it caused the soft tissues around the joint to strain quite a bit. He doesn't believe I'll need surgery at this point, but I have to go back in a month to recheck the healing process and make sure nothing is torn. In the meantime, I am enjoying the relief from pain killers and trying to avoid anything strenuous that could further injure it. Does dancing with Grant count? Too bad, I'm doing it anyway!