Being a Working Mom

A co-worker just announced this week that she'll be leaving to pursue mommy-hood more fully. It is bittersweet, because I've enjoyed working with her, but I am so thrilled that her family is in a place where she can do that. Slightly jealous, too!

In addition, I had a student come to me this week and ask to pick my brain. She is going to be the breadwinner for her new family for the foreseeable future, because she's graduating and her husband is just starting school. She wanted to know how to be a strong woman in all areas of her life, balancing work and family and still filling the roles of a woman. I was surprised that she asked me, because I feel like it is still something I am trying to figure out! I was grateful that she thought I was a good example of a strong woman.

Here's what I told her, though. I will always be the wife and mother, because those are my divine roles. No matter what our life circumstances require, no one can ever be those things in the way I can for my family. Mr. Mom is a foul term in my mind, because Jonathan is all daddy. I am grateful that even though I work, I am still the one Grant wants to comfort him when he's not well, and I am still the one divinely inspired as nurturer. Having a job doesn't change that opportunity, or that responsibility.

Second, I won't ever work somewhere that doesn't support me putting family first. If family isn't a part of the culture, no amount of money is worth it. I've had job offers where I could make much more, but that would require even more sacrifices of family time. There are far greater rewards than money, and being a working mom requires constantly keeping that focus in my heart and mind. Everything I do, even at work, is done for my family. I serve well so that I may teach my sons how to serve well. I honor my commitments at work so they may see my integrity in action. I try to assume that every choice I make at work is being seen by them, and is being done for them. I "bring home the bacon" to provide necessities, and support Jonathan in his efforts, too.

In addition, I've been learning to let some things go. I wish I had the energy and time to have friends, a clean house, hobbies, etc. I just don't. My house is usually much messier than I want it, and I often choose not to participate in social gatherings because it is time that could be spent with family. I am grateful for so much friendship from co-workers and students, because I don't feel as keen an absence from lack of girl time. It is hard, too, because even though there are a lot of women I really admire and would cherish more time with, they don't understand or relate to what it is like for me. My ward is amazing, but most of the Relief Society activities are during the day, or on evenings when I have to work. I don't get to enjoy the playgroups, toddler music time, neighborhood strolls, etc. that I so often see the others doing. So, I just try to do what I can to know them (thanks, facebook!) and find other ways to give Grant opportunities to interact.

Thing is, it is just as hard on Jonathan. He, too, lacks those social opportunities, which is why I am so willing to let him play sports. He, too, doesn't have men that I understand our situation. I've learned to be extra grateful for his many contributions, and for how equally we've been able to share the burdens of home and providing. I haven't been grocery shopping in almost a year, because he does it. We've relied very heavily on communication and patience with one another, because we're all we've got. There isn't a social circle for us, so if we don't understand each other, no one else will. It is humbling, and something that has made us stronger together. He is my superhero in so many ways.

Overall, I am grateful for experiences that have prepared me for this. In college, I was actually very career-minded. Then I attended the session at the Conference Center when we first heard the Proclamation. I believed it to be divine, but it was hard for me to hear. I prayed a long time about it, and through that experience came to such an incredible understanding about the role of women and the respect the Lord has for women. I even ended up changing my major as a result. I think Heavenly Father knew what was coming, and that I needed to have that testimony of women before getting into a career. It is SO EASY in the world of work to do your best, because you can be recognized for your hard work. Achievement is rewarded. At home, no one cheered when I changed the diaper that made me throw up thrice during my first trimester of pregnancy. No one promotes me for being consistent with prayers for Grant each evening. So, I needed to know the value of those things for myself.

In addition, my patriarchal blessing told me that I would have many opportunities in the world of work, and that I would be a leader and teacher. Again, I trust in the Lord, and I know that although this path is not the one I would have chosen, it is the one He knew would be right for our family. In that faith, I press onward. Somehow, I'll be the best Mom for Grant and Carson. Somehow, I'll be successful at work. Somehow, I'll have the friendships I need.

That's how I feel about being a working mom.