The Baby is WHERE?!?!?

Pregnancy dreams are quite vivid, in case you've never experienced one before.  Plus, since you can barely sleep anyway, they are easy to remember.  So, about 1 1/2 weeks ago I had this dream:


I was laying in bed at night, of course, rubbing my belly and feeling Carson move around like I often do for many sleepless hours.  I felt a little jab on the right side and thought, "Hey! This feels like an elbow!"  So, I called Jonathan over (he was awake, too, in my dreams) and told him to feel it.  He did, and said, "Wait, that really is an elbow!"  I leaned over to look at my belly and pop!  Out comes Carson, totally clean and the size of Grant!  (I wish it was that easy!!!!!)  Jonathan and I both just stared at the baby for a moment.  Dumbfounded, we realized that we weren't ready for him to come yet so we put Carson in the closet until we knew what to do with him. Yep, that's right. We put the baby in the closet!

When I woke up, I went into panic/nesting mode.  MUST GET READY!!!!  There is no way I am putting my baby in a closet, so I better be ready when he gets here!  Things have been so crazy at work trying to do two jobs, that everything for Carson was on the back burner in hopes that I'd get relief soon. Well, we still don't have a Coordinator so I have just been buckling down and using every ounce of self-discipline and adrenaline to be productive at work AND at home.

Thus, I am happy to report that I have completed about 1/2 of the tasks on the to-do list I created that night!  Grant's room is finished, thanks to help from my Communications team in getting the painting done.  I've done all the shopping I needed, so I now have diapers and wipes and pacifiers and bottles and all the little things that needed to be replaced or purchased for the newcomer. I've at least got my hospital bag list made, although it is not yet packed, and my iPod has been updated with some tunes for a relaxing delivery.  (Hey, I can pretend it will be relaxing, right? Don't all babies just pop out without goo?)

So, I am feeling a little better. Not there yet, but getting there.  Now, if I can just get some sleep (yes, I am really writing this blog at 3:40am because sleep evades me) then maybe I can have the stamina to finish!  4 weeks to go to D-Day!

I got the job!

I was officially offered the position at BYU-Idaho this morning! Yeah! I am so excited to begin teaching there.  I start Spring semester, so while I am on maternity leave I'll be starting a new job!

I am teaching online for the Religion department, so no, this does not mean I am leaving my work at BYU in Student Leadership.  I get to do both!  The class I'll be teaching is called Family Foundations, and it is all about the Proclamation on the Family.  I am very excited to be able to share my own testimony about the family, and specifically all the experiences I have had with the Proclamation itself.  I was lucky enough to go to Switzerland as a student delegate to the World Congress on Families to defend the traditional family to the United Nations.  That was one of the most unique opportunities of my life.  Now I get to lend my support for the Lord's model of family life in another way.

Thanks for your support!  I am so excited!

P.S. I just realized that I have never interviewed for a job and not gotten it! At least, so far!  I feel really blessed!

Confessions of a 2nd Time Mom

Euphoria. Faith. Excitement. Love. And all the other gooey feelings most people associate with motherhood were most certainly part of my early reactions to becoming a mom again. Another baby! A sweet child to embrace and cuddle and get to know. That was my entire focus. Let other people worry about the dangers of pregnancy for me, I was only thinking about the joy of motherhood.

And then it hit me at around 5 months--there is a birth at the end of pregnancy. Ever since then, I've been remembering more and more each day the realities of early motherhood. The sleepless nights, the painful recovery (not to mention birthing!) and all the disgusting things associated with birth and recovery that no one ever talks about, the difficulties of trying to nurse especially once I return to work, the increased demands on my limited capacities, etc. My wallet started to remind me, too, of the increase in expenses that are necessary. Perhaps my train of thought has been influenced by the lack of oxygen I'm getting from little Carson digging his tiny feet into my lungs. :-)

Then there's also the evaluation process that inevitably comes to women. The first time around I was wondering what kind of mother I would be. Now I wonder what kind of mother I've become, and I see in glaring detail the ways I could serve my Grant better. How could I ever take care of two? I hear often from people I respect that I am a good mother, but I always think to myself that they've never been there when I lose my patience or become frustrated by something, or when I burst into tears today because Grant wanted to "play, friends!" and I couldn't find any friends for him to play with. I was so distraught that I couldn't give him enough opportunities to socialize with peers because I work when all the playgroups happen.

And yet, tonight, when telling Jonathan about my trauma, Grant joined us in a group hug, patted my back, and we agreed that the three of us would be each other's friends. Then Grant taught me how to use the potty very proudly. Then he showed me the dance he and daddy made up to "Hammer Time." He bumped knuckles happily and then laid his pillow and blankie on the floor and put the cat down to bed. A few minutes later, he happily led the way "upsters" and climbed into my bed with me for a nice long perusal of a book about marine life and a lively game of peek-a-boo before daddy joined us for prayer. Grant brings so much joy and purpose and life to our home. He makes me a better person. He believes in me, and loves me. How could I ever NOT want to have more of that joy in my life? Carson will be a totally different little man, and getting to know him will be another adventure. Plus, I am bringing to life a friend for Grant.

So, when people ask me how I am feeling, my most common answer is "pregnant." Yes, I feel pregnant. And that entails all the physical discomforts and the awe of feeling a life moving around in there as well as all the emotions, trepidation, and joy associated with embracing motherhood, again. And I am embracing it, all of it, because that's what mothers do. With arms wide open...

My personal Bio

I've applied to teach at BYU-Idaho online, and as part of the application process we had to make a personal biography that we would use to introduce ourselves to the class. So, I thought I'd share it with you! Let me know what you think!

http://www.screencast.com/t/2My1EbLevbq5